"Alfie"

[fiefoe]

After "Barbarians", Bill Naughton's tale of a rake was a bracing tonic. The title character is utterly unself-conscious, (I don't know how it is but I look on an evening with just one bird as only half the menu, sausage-and-mash without the treacle pud), neat in his habits, (It's surprising how clean you can get yourself with a bit of spit and a white handkerchief), and practises kindness as he knows how, ('Here, suck one of these, Siddie, so he don't smell your breath'). He encourages Gilda to skim the till thusly: 'You're idle, girl, that's what you are, and you think you're honest. You're mentally idle. You don't try to improve yourself.'.

Being able to imagine Michael Caine or Jude Law as Alfie definitely helps, thick slang and all:

• It's the last thing you should ever tell a bird - I mean if it's true. String 'em along with it if it ain't.
  
• Never be cheerful on a job if you're working a fiddle.
• What bloke wants to know what a bird has been thinking -- what they say is bad enough.
• You should never stop a woman from doing things for you since it only frustrates 'em.